A funny thing happened on my radio show this week; I had a breakthrough. A real, genuine, a-ha! moment (Oprah please don’t sue me for saying that).
We had a great guest expert and she shared the idea that balance is not making every part of your life equal (as I had previously always thought it was) but about utilizing the majority of your time to do the thing that make you feel best.
The idea that we should spend the majority of our time doing what makes us happy – and that doing so makes us well balanced, blew my mind! Also the idea that what makes us happy and what constitutes balance can change over a lifetime was a new idea too! I’ve always thought that if we want it all as women, we want it all at the same time. But this isn’t necessarily true. I’ve been feeling guilty lately for being so happy alone. And even worse when I broke off a short term experiment in dating because quite honestly, I didn’t have the time and was genuinely happier being on my own. I have been feeling an odd sense of guilt over my genuine happiness with my life, my career that I love, my amazing friends and my generally fun and fabulous life. How can I be so happy and still be so single? I was previously the most depressed single woman alive; no man, no life. That was my mantra.
What?!
Shock of shock, horror of horrors! Could this really be me; actually embracing single life? Me? CHOOSING, nay insisting, upon being single? This is not the person I had come to know and be so comfortable with over the last few years.
And so I got spooked. I was scared. I have always known that I want to be a mom and have a family and be married. I love decorating and baking and being domestic. I’m quite proud of that side of me.
So had I just been single too long? Was this previously held domestic notion of myself no longer going to be a possibility if at the moment I was so content being single? Nearly thirty now, would I be alone and single and career driven forever and have to forfeit my previous dreams of motherhood to this new selfish, content and confident diva?
What I realized Tuesday night on my radio show is that the answer is an unequivocal NO! Life is about phases and cycles, ebb and flow and experiences. Just because I feel totally well balanced and complete as a single woman does not mean I will never want to date again, or be in a relationship again. It just means that balance for me, right now, is the gentle line between me, myself and I. We’ve all heard of the term the “seven year itch” for men in relationships? Maybe this is my “seven year bitch” cycle. If bitch means a woman confidently holding her own in life, then count me among the lucky.
I’m single, I’m proud and as Diana Ross belted out for us loud and proud in 1980, I’m coming out!
–Jill Brown
Jill Brown is a Los Angeles, California-based life coach and writer. She earned her Bachelors in Humanities and Sociology from USU and is a member of the National Association for Conflict Resolution and the Ladies Who Launch Network. She is the founder of “The Duchess Guide” a website dedicated to helping women become their most fabulous and unique selves. She is an avid outdoor enthusiast, traveler and health nut. When she isn’t writing or working on Duchess, Jill loves spending all her free time with her Labrador – Betty. For more on The Duchess Guide, to join the free weekly newsletter or to purchase the all new Duchess e-book “Thirty Days to a Balanced Reign!” visit: www.theduchessequation.com
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